THEN THERE WAS "THE MAGIC HAT "...I LEFT MY RUNNING HAT ( THE HAT DOESN'T ACTUALLY RUN...WHAT I MEAN IS THAT I WEAR IT WHEN I AM JOGGING )...BACK AT HOME...AND HAD NO SUCH COMFORT FOR THE RETREAT...A VOICE SAYS TO ME TO TAKE ONE MORE LOOK...AND I DO...AND THERE IT IS...COMPLETE WITH ROAD RUNNER WITH COYOTE STICKING IT TO HER ON THE TOP .
BUT YOU ARE THINKING THAT IT WAS PROBABLY BURIED UNDER MY POCKET PUSSY OR SOMETHING , RIGHT ??? WRONG !!! HERE IS WHY : COME THE END OF THE FIVE DAY RETREAT...I GO TO PUT MY HAT BACK INTO THE SUITCASE...AND THERE IT WAS...GONE !!!
...AND WHEN I GET HOME... IT WAS RIGHT ON THE TABLE WHERE I LEFT IT...ALL THOSE MILLIONS OF SECONDS AGO .
Saturday, November 28, 2015
INTERLUDE : )
IF YOU CARE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME IN AUSTRALIA...READ..."ME AND DRINKY"...IT IS ON LINE FOR FREE...JUST GO TO "FLARMOLOGY " .
CHAPTER 120...I DON'T WANT TO BORE YOU
DURING MY 2008 TO 2010 PERIOD...I MUST HAVE HAD 50 OR SO SUCH EVENTS HAPPEN TO ME...IT WAS LIKE A SPIRITUAL TIDE HAD RISEN...AND I WAS SITTING ON THE SAND...THE SALT WATER JUST BELOW MY NOSE...THE BREAKING WAVES SNAPPING BY MY EARS .
I DON'T WANT TO BORE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU...SO JUST ONE MORE SHORT STORY OF THE UNIVERSE BEING READJUSTED AND RE-MOLDED TO PARTIALLY FIT THE SHAPE OF A HEART...( OR WHATEVER IN THE FUCK WAS GOING ON ).
I KEPT ON FINDING DIMES AT THIS SAME EXACT LOCATION...THAT WAS STRANGE...BUT INTUITIVELY I THOUGHT IF I EVER FLIPPED ONE OF THE FUCKERS IN THE AIR...THINGS WOULD GET EVEN STRANGER STILL...SO I DID...AND SO DID THEY .
UNTIL I ACCIDENTALLY STUMBLED UPON IT IN A BOOK...IT MEANT NOTHING TO ME...BUT THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS...THE ODDS OF FLIPPING A COIN AND HAVING IT LAND ON ITS SIDE...ARE ABOUT THE SAME ODDS OF YOU MASTURBATING IN DOWNTOWN BOSTON...AND IMPREGNATING PAUL MCCARTNEY'S SECOND FLOOR MAID ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD...NOT VERY GOOD .
I DON'T WANT TO BORE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU...SO JUST ONE MORE SHORT STORY OF THE UNIVERSE BEING READJUSTED AND RE-MOLDED TO PARTIALLY FIT THE SHAPE OF A HEART...( OR WHATEVER IN THE FUCK WAS GOING ON ).
I KEPT ON FINDING DIMES AT THIS SAME EXACT LOCATION...THAT WAS STRANGE...BUT INTUITIVELY I THOUGHT IF I EVER FLIPPED ONE OF THE FUCKERS IN THE AIR...THINGS WOULD GET EVEN STRANGER STILL...SO I DID...AND SO DID THEY .
UNTIL I ACCIDENTALLY STUMBLED UPON IT IN A BOOK...IT MEANT NOTHING TO ME...BUT THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS...THE ODDS OF FLIPPING A COIN AND HAVING IT LAND ON ITS SIDE...ARE ABOUT THE SAME ODDS OF YOU MASTURBATING IN DOWNTOWN BOSTON...AND IMPREGNATING PAUL MCCARTNEY'S SECOND FLOOR MAID ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD...NOT VERY GOOD .
CHAPTER 121...THE RIDE TO THE CABIN
IT IS AUGUST 2008...I AM DRIVING TO A CABIN IN THE WOODS FOR A FEW DAYS OF RELAXATION...THE SKY LOOKS LIKE THE GREEK GOD FESTUS...GOD OF RAGING ALCOHOLISM AND RETARDED SHIT...I PULL OVER TO THE SIDE...IT IS JUST TOO FUCKING CRAZY TO CONTINUE...SO I PUT THE CHAIR BACK AND LISTEN TO GLEN CAMPBELL UNTIL THE RAIN DECIDES TO TAKE A PILL .
CHAPTER 122...WHILE THE CAR IS STOPPED
GET THIS ONE...IN A FEW YEARS TIME AFTER MY LITTLE GET DRUNK , MAKE FUN OF SQUIRRELS AND LISTEN TO "THE BEATLES" TRIP...MY FRIEND , THE CARPENTER , JON...WILL HAVE HAD TWO BOXES OF NAILS LIBERATED FROM HIS...JON'S..."NAILS ARE AMAZING" COLLECTION... ONE BOX...THREE AND A HALF INCH , GALVANIZED , SPIRAL...AND THE OTHER...TWO AND A HALF INCH , GALVANIZED , SPIRAL...MEANWHILE , ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN...I WILL HAVE FOUND TWO BOXES OF NAILS MATCHING EXACTLY THAT DESCRIPTION...NO SHIT...PERFECT ORDER IN THE FUCKALY -DUC -DUC...TOILET BOWL OF LIFE .
...THE RAIN STILL THUNDERS THE GROUND LIKE A DINGO , A BABY CHILD IN THE WILDERNESS OF THE UNIVERSE...
...THEN IT STOPS...THERE IS SOMETHING WEIRD GOING ON...AND I JUST HOPE IT GETS WEIRDER .
...THE RAIN STILL THUNDERS THE GROUND LIKE A DINGO , A BABY CHILD IN THE WILDERNESS OF THE UNIVERSE...
...THEN IT STOPS...THERE IS SOMETHING WEIRD GOING ON...AND I JUST HOPE IT GETS WEIRDER .
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
CHAPTER 123...BE DONE SOON...
I ARRIVE...I LOVE THIS FUCKING PLACE...IT IS THE CREAM PIE CAPITAL OF THE UNIVERSE...WHEN I EAT THEIR BANANA CREAM...THE BANANA'S ARE NOT NEARLY AS HARD AS MY COCK...I SPEND ALL DAY HIKING...SPEND ALL NIGHT DRINKING IN THE TUB...
I AM PLAYING THE COOPER BROTHERS...( IF YOU ARE MY AGE...YOU JUST MIGHT REMEMBER...YOU KNOW..."I WILL KNOW HER WHEN I SEE HER "...ANYWAY , I SIP MY DRINK...I AM REASONABLY CONVINCED SOME SPACE MONKEY OR ANOTHER IS JUST OUTSIDE MY BATHROOM DOOR...I CANNOT SEE HIM...BUT I FEEL HIM MORE VIVIDLY THAN I FELT ANYONE OR ANYTHING IN MY LIFE...I FEEL THAT SOMETHING IS BEING IMPARTED TO ME...IT IS THE FIRST TIME THAT I FELT REAL HAPPINESS SENSE THAT UNSPEAKABLE THING HAPPENED TO ME IN 1994...( I GUESS THAT ELIMINATES PSYCHOSIS ) .
THE CHAMBERMAID WALKS IN WHILE I AM NAKED...SHE DOESN'T SEEM TO GIVE A FUCK...WEIRD...I SHAKES ME TITTIES IN HER GENERAL DIRECTION...PACK MY GEAR AND DRIVE AWAY .
I AM PLAYING THE COOPER BROTHERS...( IF YOU ARE MY AGE...YOU JUST MIGHT REMEMBER...YOU KNOW..."I WILL KNOW HER WHEN I SEE HER "...ANYWAY , I SIP MY DRINK...I AM REASONABLY CONVINCED SOME SPACE MONKEY OR ANOTHER IS JUST OUTSIDE MY BATHROOM DOOR...I CANNOT SEE HIM...BUT I FEEL HIM MORE VIVIDLY THAN I FELT ANYONE OR ANYTHING IN MY LIFE...I FEEL THAT SOMETHING IS BEING IMPARTED TO ME...IT IS THE FIRST TIME THAT I FELT REAL HAPPINESS SENSE THAT UNSPEAKABLE THING HAPPENED TO ME IN 1994...( I GUESS THAT ELIMINATES PSYCHOSIS ) .
THE CHAMBERMAID WALKS IN WHILE I AM NAKED...SHE DOESN'T SEEM TO GIVE A FUCK...WEIRD...I SHAKES ME TITTIES IN HER GENERAL DIRECTION...PACK MY GEAR AND DRIVE AWAY .
CHAPTER ...FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
THERE I AM...WALKING TO SCHOOL WITH MY LITTLE RED BAG ON MY BACK ..." HI , MR. MAIL MAN !!! BEAUTIFUL FUCKING DAY " HE GIVES ME A TOKE AND I CONTINUE DOWN THE PATH .
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